Express yourself!

Yes, i watched TRANSFORMERS 2 ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ last friday with daniel, damian, kit wei and gar jun. Its relavance to human comm you shall see as you read on. To all of you that haven't watched this movie, don't read this post! =)

It is common to hear phrases like, "asians don't show affection like westerns do." or "guys are numb and unemotional." In this movie, the director[Michael Bay] proved that asians are NOT the only people who find it hard to express affection. Sam Witwicky[played by Shia LaBeouf] was NOT an asian. No, he was a westerner. And yes, he had problems saying I LOVE YOU to Mikaela Banes[played by Megan Fox]. All girls go, "JERK!!!" So, back to the point; that jerk had major problems expressing love. He wanted Mikaela to say I LOVE YOU to him first. On the other hand, Mikaela wanted Sam to say I LOVE YOU first. Like duh, he was the guy, so, he ought to right?[hey girls, guys shudn't always have to be the one to make the 1st move you know] When she asked him to say I LOVE YOU, he answered, "ladies first." Cut the long story short, Mikaela ended u saying I LOVE YOU to Sam first. Point proven that guys are numb and emotional?

I totally agree that a big group of asians find it hard to express affection. However, westeners also face these problems. No, this is not a debate on whether westerners are better than asians and vice versa. And i also beg to differ that guys are numb and unemotional. My question thrown here is, why do people find it so hard to communicate their affection or say I LOVE YOU?

Some answers to that question:
1. Fear of rejection
- Saying I LOVE YOU might put you in a very vunerable position. You have just self-disclosed your feelings for a person. What if the person doesn't feel the same way? Your love is not reciprocated. You will be hurt. You are also afraid of how the person may react. Will he or she freak out? Will we still be frens or will he or she start avoiding me? Would you rather risk the possibility of losing a friendship by revealing your affection? Yes, no one wants to get hurt and no one wants to be rejected. But if you never say I LOVE YOU, you never give a chance for something to happen. You will never know if the person did have the same feelings for you if you never revealed your feelings.

2. Shy
- Ahh, shy.... Why shy? If you love the person, you shouldn't be ashame of communicating your love to the person. Come on, are you ashamed of the person? Are you afraid of what your friends might think? If you think you love someone, prove it; say I LOVE YOU.
Remember: no guts, no glory.

3. I LOVE YOU is used too flippantly
- Yes, I LOVE YOU is used very flippantly these days, but what difference does it make to you? The person you are saying it to will be able to tell whether or not you are just saying it or that you mean it. So, eventhough the phrase is used flippantly, you can choose not to use it flippantly. Don't give lame excuses. Just say it. Its free; you don't need money to say it. Just a second or two.

4. I have used up my word quota for the day [this only applies to guys]
- I totally understand that guys have a lower word count than women. It's been proven by psychologists. So, if you know you are a man of few words, reserve 3 out of those few words. Just 3 - I LOVE YOU. Just 3 short words. It can't be that hard.

5. I'm tired
- This is a very bad excuse and must never be used at all cost [this is applies to both men and women]

6. Don't actions speak more than words?
- Yes, actions SOMETIMES speak louder than words. However, words mean a lot too. Children still feel insecure and unloved eventhough some parents buy them a truck load of toys. Why? This is because the parents are too busy to say I LOVE YOU to their kid or spend time with him or her.

7. It might backfire!
- "you say you love me, but you don't act like you do." So you're afraid that the person may react that way if you say I LOVE YOU to him or her? There is only 1 reason why he or she feels you are not showing love: You may not be speaking his or her love language. If your lover's love language is touch, stop buying them gifts. If their love language is is service, take more effort to do little things for the person so that you speak his or her love language.

8. No one ever said I LOVE YOU to me in the 1st place; so why should i?
- What harm will it do to you if you make the first move? Love isn't only about receiving. It is mutual. We have to give out as well.

9. Fear of commitment
- "If i say I LOVE YOU, he or she might start day dreaming and thinking about our wedding when all i want at the moment is an open relationship." True, some people really let their minds wonder and imagine that you made a commitment to be theirs for life when all you actually did was say I LOVE YOU. This is inevitable. We can't stop people's minds from wondering off. However, we can clearly communicate to the person from the beginning that we are not making a commitment of any sort.

You have NO reason NOT to say I LOVE YOU. Express your affection before its too late.

A bell is no bell 'til you ring it,
A song is no song 'til you sing it,
And love in your heart
Wasn’t put there to stay -
Love isn’t love
'Til you give it away.
~Oscar Hammerstein, Sound of Music, "You Are Sixteen (Reprise)"


Signing off,
Jane Tai