May I Please Attend That Party

Ever since i exited high school i have been invited to a lot more parties and events. Whether or not i attend all these parties and events is another story. If you're a girl who can't drive a car yet & have controlling parents, you might want to master the art of persuading your parents to allow you to attend these functions. So, here are some tips on how the way you communicate with them can effect their decision.

1. Pick the right timing
- Do not ask permission to go out when parents are busy or tired. It never works. Do not ask in front of their friends. They lose face when they have to say no to you in front of their friends [you'll get fried when you get home if you try that & they may ground you for life!] Use low context culture - save their face.

2. Watch your tone
- Do not raise your voice [even when you feel like doing it]. The tone of our voice is a non-verbal communication. We might not use words to threaten them, but our tone may be threatening enough to make them say no.

3. Body Language
- Smile and be natural. No hands on the hips [it indicates superiority]. Don't cross your hands across your chest either. Go up to them & talk to them. Don't face Facebook while talking to them. Make eye contact & don't lean against the wall. Stand upright [parents don't like to see kids leaning. They think its lazyness].

4. Choice of words
- Use the 'I' language instead of the 'You' language. For example, don't go, "You never let me out with my friends. You are not as liberal as my friends mother." That is the last statement you would want to make if you're trying to gain freedom. One could perhaps go, "Mum, I THINK i want to go for this party because....[your reason].... Is it ok with you?" Also notice the word THINK. THINK makes parents realise that you are not making the decision. Instead, you're consulting their opinion first. This will soften them up and make them less defensive. You might sneak out anyhow even if they say no, but the point is that you're being diplomatic and using psychology to get around them [it works!]

After event....
So, after they decide to allow you to go, you go & have a time of your life. But wait! There's more to it. Here's what your should do after the funtion to ensure that they'll allow you out in the future.

1. Stick to the CURFEW
- Passing the curfew will only mean no more functions. By sticking to the curfew, you are indirectly communicating to your parents that you are responsible and that they can trust you.

2. Say thank you
- Show them you appreciate their effort in driving you about. Show them you are grateful that they finally let you out of the house =P. It can be verbal or non-verbal. You could just say thank you & i love you or you could choose to perhaps give them a hug [parents love it when their teens hug them....awww...]

3. Prove to them that they did the right thing letting you out
- This means, not flunking the next day's pop quiz. This also includes showing some awesome possum exam results [parents tend to make faulty assumptions that bad results = too much outings]

Master the art of communicating with parents. Try these steps out & BREAK FREE =P. Good Luck!

Signing off,
Jane Tai

Long distance relationships

Long distance relationships be it among friends or relatives is not an easy one to keep. Most times, after a very long while, the relationship would not be that strong and the bond would be weak. To keep the bond of long distance relationships strong, it would take a lot of effort on both sides or parties.
Most times, both parties can keep in contact with each other through phone calls, letter writing and of course in modern times the most convenient way would be through the internet via emails or using skype.
Long distance relationships among couples would be a more difficult one to keep. Usually both parties would need to have a very strong sense of trust between each other. Besides trusting each other, both parties would also need to be honest with each other to make the relationship last. Usually after the period of being apart and the bond between each other is still strong, these relationships would have gone through trials and would definitely be a more lasting relationship.
At times, long distance relationship would also make both parties learn to cherish each other more as they would miss each other and also distance would make the heart goes fonder. But not all long distance relationships would last be it between couples or relatives.It is easy to form new friendships, but maintaining it requires a lot of effort. Hence, we should keep friendships that are worth our time and energy, because without friends, we would lead only lead a sad lonely life.

Table manners

Ever since we were little kids, we have already been taught by our parents the importance of table manners. We were told what we should and should not do at the table. Even until now, we are being constantly reminded, time and time again, to behave ourselves whilst eating. But why can’t we just be ourselves at the table and act in whichever way we like? Who created these rules and should we even conform to it? Well, I guess it’s because table manners speaks about our body language. How we present ourselves while eating shows what kind of person we are and this subsequently and indirectly relates to our style of communication.
Table manners refers to the etiquette used while eating, which may also include the appropriate use of utensils. Different cultures observe different rules for table manners. Many table manners evolved out of practicality. For example, it is generally impolite to put elbows on tables, since doing so creates a risk of tipping over bowls and cups. Each family or group sets its own standards for how strictly these rules are to be enforced. We should never rummage through the dish or pick from the far side for your favorite food as this would be considered bad table manners. We should always pick food that is at the top and nearest to us. Also, when food have been picked up, they should never be put back to the dish.
Guest and elderly should be the ones usually first to start to eat the meal. And the youngest or least senior may serve the eldest and most senior first as a mark of respect. Some families even practise the calling or mentioned of eldest to eat before the start of the meal as a mark of respect. We should never talk having food in our mouths. Different cultures also practise different table manners, as the Japanese would consider slurping alright or even as a sign that the soup is tasty which the Western culture would frown on this. In Chinese cultures, it is very important the younger generation wish/greet the older generation to eat before they indulging in their own meal. In Mandarin, it is ‘chi fan’. Then, there are some cultures or races who do not practise the use of serving spoons while most would.
Therefore, table manners vary from country to country and culture to culture as different ones would practice different styles of table manners. Furthermore, it also shows that one is cultured, refined, and poised.

Personality

After I have studying both Human Communication and Psychology for Personal Development, I begin to observe the interaction between human and also things that happen around my world. I found that it is really interesting because it does happen in our real life but we didn’t perceive it. For it happen naturally in our life so we even wouldn’t pay attention and discover it.

I observed for a period and discovered that there are various kind of personalities in every single individual. Mainly, there are two most basic types of personalities which are extroverted personality and introverted personality. For example, my younger brother is an extrovert. He is optimistic and sociable that’s why his friends found that it is easy to get along with him. Besides, his friends also enjoyed to be with him and my brother is sort of “party animal” and can makes good host. He spent most of his time to go out with his friend rather than stays at home. Whenever he got trouble, he preferred turned outward to seek for solution. Moreover, everywhere outside except home is the source for him to gain energy and joy and also to release stresses. There is a merit of him I admires the most which was he is good in maintaining all the relationship of him; which I think that not everyone of us can do well.

Let us talk about the introverted personality, which is extremely contrasts with the one we talk about just now. The second brother of mine fully acquired this personality. He is the kind that more oriented toward his inner thoughts and feelings. He loves to spend his time at home and precious each of his private moments. He doesn’t good in socializes and have few of friends. However, he is more emphasizes on quality not quantity that’s why he doesn’t takes it to heart. It is not easy to get along with him, don’t even talk about intimate friends because he doesn’t trust on others easily. Some others will miscomprehend that he as unfriendly but I know my brother best, it just need to take time and be patient to become his friend.

Some people said that our personalities are descent from our gene whereas others argued that it is influences by environment. I think I will take a neutral stand on this controversial. However, types of personalities need different ways of communication. We must perceive before we initiate a new friendship. We have no problem to get along with those extroverts and have a joke on them; but for those introverts, don’t be hesitate to move the first step. To be honest with you, they are the kind of friends you can 100% trust on them and later you will found them as the best listeners to share your joys and pains. We need to have both types of these friends to balance both of our physical and spiritual health. It is because (in my opinion), friends have become one of our basic “NEEDS” in our life and also source of our happiness.

Marriage

Initiates a relationship, falls in love with each other, relationship has moves forward become more intimacy, start dating and do everything together, contributes most of the time to be with each other, makes a commitment and lives in a legitimate life are generally part of the process in each of everyone life. However, the most essential part is how you are going to maintain your marriage life afterward. It is easy to get along with each other but difficult to be pardon and understanding other needs.

Just for an illustrated, one of my friend got married when she was 16 years old. She tied the knot with her husband because of pregnancy and her husband only 1 year older than her. Both she and her husband had dropped out from the school and her husband started on working with a low paid salary. Both of their parents still can’t accept their marriage until now but they got no choices. In their mind, they always worried about how these two kids going to move on their path.

What they worried about is reasonable because based on my view, they are too young to get marry and even don’t know each other very well. What my friend told me that she only knew her husband less than 6 months before they get marry. Both of she and her husband still haven’t mature enough on their thought and can’t afford for the expenses. I really can’t imagine how they are going to raise up the child.

While the child was born, their marriage started move slowly toward the end without their conscious. When the burden had increased, they always fight for the maintenance fee and sometimes her husband abused her. She got no one to confide and cried on. Both of them created a boundary for each other and their distance had became far and far. Finally, they agreed to divorce as the perfect ending for the relationship. However, the baby is the most innocent one for throwing here and there by his parent. None of them willing to pick up the responsibility and regarded their child as a trouble.

My mom always said that “When you involve into a marriage, there is no different as you step into a grave!” However, if you want to start a new life with your partner, always remember that it is important to maintain yours relationship. The effort both of you paid in will possible make a change from "Grave to Heaven".

Read Me

We all know body language is yet another form of non-verbal communication. Most of the time, our body language is the very thing that gives us away. How would the police know if a person is suspicious when conducting a road block? How do psychologist detect when you're lying? How does a person realise that you arn't actually listening intently? BODY LANGUAGE! Don't you think it is essential for us to know the meanings and impressions we create when we put on a certain body language? Below are some clues that will enable us to read people and vice versa:

1. Eyes and eyebrows
- Gesture: converging in the middle and frowning
Meaning: You are almost at your temper's threshold
- Gesture: staring
Meaning: ahhh...you're attracted to him / her; disbelief on your side & abnormality on the party that you are staring at

2. Lips
- Gesture: Retracted lower lip that is almost bit by upper teeth
Meaning: Holding back something and waiting for affirmation or action from the other person

3. Arms or Hands
- Gesture: Crossed arms on chest
Meaning: Doubt, mistrust, close-mindedness, coldness and impatience
- Gesture: Hands on the hips
Meaning: Aggression
- Gestures: Hands in the pockets
Meaning: Reserved
- Gestures: Rubbing Hands
Meaning: Anticipation
- Gesture: drumming fingers on table
Meaning: impatience, boredom
- Gesture: Looking at watch
Meaning: in a hurry, disinterested

4. Legs
- Gesture: Brisk walk
Meaning: Confident
- Gesture: Sitting with legs apart
Meaning: Relaxed or couldn't care less
- Gesture: Shaking or swinging legs while sitting
Meaning: Boredom or Anxiety

5. Face
- Gesture: Face buried in hands
Meaning: Distraught, tiredness
- Gesture: Wrinkle on forehead
Meaning: Intensity

6. Mouth
- Gesture: Jaw drop
Meaning: Awe, shock or horror
- Gesture: Yawn
Meaning: Boredome, disinterest
- Gesture: Biting nails
Meaning: Anxiety, fear, nervousness

7. Nose
- Gesture: Rubbing nose
Meaning: unsure, lying

8. Hair
- Gesture: Twirling hair
Meaning: shy
- Gesture: Flipping hair backwards
Meaning: confidence, flirt

Without you realising, you indirectly allow people to read you through your body language. Be alert and concious of the gestures you potray.

"I speak two languages, Body and English"
-Mae West


Written by,
Jane Tai

Express yourself!

Yes, i watched TRANSFORMERS 2 ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ last friday with daniel, damian, kit wei and gar jun. Its relavance to human comm you shall see as you read on. To all of you that haven't watched this movie, don't read this post! =)

It is common to hear phrases like, "asians don't show affection like westerns do." or "guys are numb and unemotional." In this movie, the director[Michael Bay] proved that asians are NOT the only people who find it hard to express affection. Sam Witwicky[played by Shia LaBeouf] was NOT an asian. No, he was a westerner. And yes, he had problems saying I LOVE YOU to Mikaela Banes[played by Megan Fox]. All girls go, "JERK!!!" So, back to the point; that jerk had major problems expressing love. He wanted Mikaela to say I LOVE YOU to him first. On the other hand, Mikaela wanted Sam to say I LOVE YOU first. Like duh, he was the guy, so, he ought to right?[hey girls, guys shudn't always have to be the one to make the 1st move you know] When she asked him to say I LOVE YOU, he answered, "ladies first." Cut the long story short, Mikaela ended u saying I LOVE YOU to Sam first. Point proven that guys are numb and emotional?

I totally agree that a big group of asians find it hard to express affection. However, westeners also face these problems. No, this is not a debate on whether westerners are better than asians and vice versa. And i also beg to differ that guys are numb and unemotional. My question thrown here is, why do people find it so hard to communicate their affection or say I LOVE YOU?

Some answers to that question:
1. Fear of rejection
- Saying I LOVE YOU might put you in a very vunerable position. You have just self-disclosed your feelings for a person. What if the person doesn't feel the same way? Your love is not reciprocated. You will be hurt. You are also afraid of how the person may react. Will he or she freak out? Will we still be frens or will he or she start avoiding me? Would you rather risk the possibility of losing a friendship by revealing your affection? Yes, no one wants to get hurt and no one wants to be rejected. But if you never say I LOVE YOU, you never give a chance for something to happen. You will never know if the person did have the same feelings for you if you never revealed your feelings.

2. Shy
- Ahh, shy.... Why shy? If you love the person, you shouldn't be ashame of communicating your love to the person. Come on, are you ashamed of the person? Are you afraid of what your friends might think? If you think you love someone, prove it; say I LOVE YOU.
Remember: no guts, no glory.

3. I LOVE YOU is used too flippantly
- Yes, I LOVE YOU is used very flippantly these days, but what difference does it make to you? The person you are saying it to will be able to tell whether or not you are just saying it or that you mean it. So, eventhough the phrase is used flippantly, you can choose not to use it flippantly. Don't give lame excuses. Just say it. Its free; you don't need money to say it. Just a second or two.

4. I have used up my word quota for the day [this only applies to guys]
- I totally understand that guys have a lower word count than women. It's been proven by psychologists. So, if you know you are a man of few words, reserve 3 out of those few words. Just 3 - I LOVE YOU. Just 3 short words. It can't be that hard.

5. I'm tired
- This is a very bad excuse and must never be used at all cost [this is applies to both men and women]

6. Don't actions speak more than words?
- Yes, actions SOMETIMES speak louder than words. However, words mean a lot too. Children still feel insecure and unloved eventhough some parents buy them a truck load of toys. Why? This is because the parents are too busy to say I LOVE YOU to their kid or spend time with him or her.

7. It might backfire!
- "you say you love me, but you don't act like you do." So you're afraid that the person may react that way if you say I LOVE YOU to him or her? There is only 1 reason why he or she feels you are not showing love: You may not be speaking his or her love language. If your lover's love language is touch, stop buying them gifts. If their love language is is service, take more effort to do little things for the person so that you speak his or her love language.

8. No one ever said I LOVE YOU to me in the 1st place; so why should i?
- What harm will it do to you if you make the first move? Love isn't only about receiving. It is mutual. We have to give out as well.

9. Fear of commitment
- "If i say I LOVE YOU, he or she might start day dreaming and thinking about our wedding when all i want at the moment is an open relationship." True, some people really let their minds wonder and imagine that you made a commitment to be theirs for life when all you actually did was say I LOVE YOU. This is inevitable. We can't stop people's minds from wondering off. However, we can clearly communicate to the person from the beginning that we are not making a commitment of any sort.

You have NO reason NOT to say I LOVE YOU. Express your affection before its too late.

A bell is no bell 'til you ring it,
A song is no song 'til you sing it,
And love in your heart
Wasn’t put there to stay -
Love isn’t love
'Til you give it away.
~Oscar Hammerstein, Sound of Music, "You Are Sixteen (Reprise)"


Signing off,
Jane Tai