Personality

After I have studying both Human Communication and Psychology for Personal Development, I begin to observe the interaction between human and also things that happen around my world. I found that it is really interesting because it does happen in our real life but we didn’t perceive it. For it happen naturally in our life so we even wouldn’t pay attention and discover it.

I observed for a period and discovered that there are various kind of personalities in every single individual. Mainly, there are two most basic types of personalities which are extroverted personality and introverted personality. For example, my younger brother is an extrovert. He is optimistic and sociable that’s why his friends found that it is easy to get along with him. Besides, his friends also enjoyed to be with him and my brother is sort of “party animal” and can makes good host. He spent most of his time to go out with his friend rather than stays at home. Whenever he got trouble, he preferred turned outward to seek for solution. Moreover, everywhere outside except home is the source for him to gain energy and joy and also to release stresses. There is a merit of him I admires the most which was he is good in maintaining all the relationship of him; which I think that not everyone of us can do well.

Let us talk about the introverted personality, which is extremely contrasts with the one we talk about just now. The second brother of mine fully acquired this personality. He is the kind that more oriented toward his inner thoughts and feelings. He loves to spend his time at home and precious each of his private moments. He doesn’t good in socializes and have few of friends. However, he is more emphasizes on quality not quantity that’s why he doesn’t takes it to heart. It is not easy to get along with him, don’t even talk about intimate friends because he doesn’t trust on others easily. Some others will miscomprehend that he as unfriendly but I know my brother best, it just need to take time and be patient to become his friend.

Some people said that our personalities are descent from our gene whereas others argued that it is influences by environment. I think I will take a neutral stand on this controversial. However, types of personalities need different ways of communication. We must perceive before we initiate a new friendship. We have no problem to get along with those extroverts and have a joke on them; but for those introverts, don’t be hesitate to move the first step. To be honest with you, they are the kind of friends you can 100% trust on them and later you will found them as the best listeners to share your joys and pains. We need to have both types of these friends to balance both of our physical and spiritual health. It is because (in my opinion), friends have become one of our basic “NEEDS” in our life and also source of our happiness.

Marriage

Initiates a relationship, falls in love with each other, relationship has moves forward become more intimacy, start dating and do everything together, contributes most of the time to be with each other, makes a commitment and lives in a legitimate life are generally part of the process in each of everyone life. However, the most essential part is how you are going to maintain your marriage life afterward. It is easy to get along with each other but difficult to be pardon and understanding other needs.

Just for an illustrated, one of my friend got married when she was 16 years old. She tied the knot with her husband because of pregnancy and her husband only 1 year older than her. Both she and her husband had dropped out from the school and her husband started on working with a low paid salary. Both of their parents still can’t accept their marriage until now but they got no choices. In their mind, they always worried about how these two kids going to move on their path.

What they worried about is reasonable because based on my view, they are too young to get marry and even don’t know each other very well. What my friend told me that she only knew her husband less than 6 months before they get marry. Both of she and her husband still haven’t mature enough on their thought and can’t afford for the expenses. I really can’t imagine how they are going to raise up the child.

While the child was born, their marriage started move slowly toward the end without their conscious. When the burden had increased, they always fight for the maintenance fee and sometimes her husband abused her. She got no one to confide and cried on. Both of them created a boundary for each other and their distance had became far and far. Finally, they agreed to divorce as the perfect ending for the relationship. However, the baby is the most innocent one for throwing here and there by his parent. None of them willing to pick up the responsibility and regarded their child as a trouble.

My mom always said that “When you involve into a marriage, there is no different as you step into a grave!” However, if you want to start a new life with your partner, always remember that it is important to maintain yours relationship. The effort both of you paid in will possible make a change from "Grave to Heaven".

Read Me

We all know body language is yet another form of non-verbal communication. Most of the time, our body language is the very thing that gives us away. How would the police know if a person is suspicious when conducting a road block? How do psychologist detect when you're lying? How does a person realise that you arn't actually listening intently? BODY LANGUAGE! Don't you think it is essential for us to know the meanings and impressions we create when we put on a certain body language? Below are some clues that will enable us to read people and vice versa:

1. Eyes and eyebrows
- Gesture: converging in the middle and frowning
Meaning: You are almost at your temper's threshold
- Gesture: staring
Meaning: ahhh...you're attracted to him / her; disbelief on your side & abnormality on the party that you are staring at

2. Lips
- Gesture: Retracted lower lip that is almost bit by upper teeth
Meaning: Holding back something and waiting for affirmation or action from the other person

3. Arms or Hands
- Gesture: Crossed arms on chest
Meaning: Doubt, mistrust, close-mindedness, coldness and impatience
- Gesture: Hands on the hips
Meaning: Aggression
- Gestures: Hands in the pockets
Meaning: Reserved
- Gestures: Rubbing Hands
Meaning: Anticipation
- Gesture: drumming fingers on table
Meaning: impatience, boredom
- Gesture: Looking at watch
Meaning: in a hurry, disinterested

4. Legs
- Gesture: Brisk walk
Meaning: Confident
- Gesture: Sitting with legs apart
Meaning: Relaxed or couldn't care less
- Gesture: Shaking or swinging legs while sitting
Meaning: Boredom or Anxiety

5. Face
- Gesture: Face buried in hands
Meaning: Distraught, tiredness
- Gesture: Wrinkle on forehead
Meaning: Intensity

6. Mouth
- Gesture: Jaw drop
Meaning: Awe, shock or horror
- Gesture: Yawn
Meaning: Boredome, disinterest
- Gesture: Biting nails
Meaning: Anxiety, fear, nervousness

7. Nose
- Gesture: Rubbing nose
Meaning: unsure, lying

8. Hair
- Gesture: Twirling hair
Meaning: shy
- Gesture: Flipping hair backwards
Meaning: confidence, flirt

Without you realising, you indirectly allow people to read you through your body language. Be alert and concious of the gestures you potray.

"I speak two languages, Body and English"
-Mae West


Written by,
Jane Tai

Express yourself!

Yes, i watched TRANSFORMERS 2 ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ last friday with daniel, damian, kit wei and gar jun. Its relavance to human comm you shall see as you read on. To all of you that haven't watched this movie, don't read this post! =)

It is common to hear phrases like, "asians don't show affection like westerns do." or "guys are numb and unemotional." In this movie, the director[Michael Bay] proved that asians are NOT the only people who find it hard to express affection. Sam Witwicky[played by Shia LaBeouf] was NOT an asian. No, he was a westerner. And yes, he had problems saying I LOVE YOU to Mikaela Banes[played by Megan Fox]. All girls go, "JERK!!!" So, back to the point; that jerk had major problems expressing love. He wanted Mikaela to say I LOVE YOU to him first. On the other hand, Mikaela wanted Sam to say I LOVE YOU first. Like duh, he was the guy, so, he ought to right?[hey girls, guys shudn't always have to be the one to make the 1st move you know] When she asked him to say I LOVE YOU, he answered, "ladies first." Cut the long story short, Mikaela ended u saying I LOVE YOU to Sam first. Point proven that guys are numb and emotional?

I totally agree that a big group of asians find it hard to express affection. However, westeners also face these problems. No, this is not a debate on whether westerners are better than asians and vice versa. And i also beg to differ that guys are numb and unemotional. My question thrown here is, why do people find it so hard to communicate their affection or say I LOVE YOU?

Some answers to that question:
1. Fear of rejection
- Saying I LOVE YOU might put you in a very vunerable position. You have just self-disclosed your feelings for a person. What if the person doesn't feel the same way? Your love is not reciprocated. You will be hurt. You are also afraid of how the person may react. Will he or she freak out? Will we still be frens or will he or she start avoiding me? Would you rather risk the possibility of losing a friendship by revealing your affection? Yes, no one wants to get hurt and no one wants to be rejected. But if you never say I LOVE YOU, you never give a chance for something to happen. You will never know if the person did have the same feelings for you if you never revealed your feelings.

2. Shy
- Ahh, shy.... Why shy? If you love the person, you shouldn't be ashame of communicating your love to the person. Come on, are you ashamed of the person? Are you afraid of what your friends might think? If you think you love someone, prove it; say I LOVE YOU.
Remember: no guts, no glory.

3. I LOVE YOU is used too flippantly
- Yes, I LOVE YOU is used very flippantly these days, but what difference does it make to you? The person you are saying it to will be able to tell whether or not you are just saying it or that you mean it. So, eventhough the phrase is used flippantly, you can choose not to use it flippantly. Don't give lame excuses. Just say it. Its free; you don't need money to say it. Just a second or two.

4. I have used up my word quota for the day [this only applies to guys]
- I totally understand that guys have a lower word count than women. It's been proven by psychologists. So, if you know you are a man of few words, reserve 3 out of those few words. Just 3 - I LOVE YOU. Just 3 short words. It can't be that hard.

5. I'm tired
- This is a very bad excuse and must never be used at all cost [this is applies to both men and women]

6. Don't actions speak more than words?
- Yes, actions SOMETIMES speak louder than words. However, words mean a lot too. Children still feel insecure and unloved eventhough some parents buy them a truck load of toys. Why? This is because the parents are too busy to say I LOVE YOU to their kid or spend time with him or her.

7. It might backfire!
- "you say you love me, but you don't act like you do." So you're afraid that the person may react that way if you say I LOVE YOU to him or her? There is only 1 reason why he or she feels you are not showing love: You may not be speaking his or her love language. If your lover's love language is touch, stop buying them gifts. If their love language is is service, take more effort to do little things for the person so that you speak his or her love language.

8. No one ever said I LOVE YOU to me in the 1st place; so why should i?
- What harm will it do to you if you make the first move? Love isn't only about receiving. It is mutual. We have to give out as well.

9. Fear of commitment
- "If i say I LOVE YOU, he or she might start day dreaming and thinking about our wedding when all i want at the moment is an open relationship." True, some people really let their minds wonder and imagine that you made a commitment to be theirs for life when all you actually did was say I LOVE YOU. This is inevitable. We can't stop people's minds from wondering off. However, we can clearly communicate to the person from the beginning that we are not making a commitment of any sort.

You have NO reason NOT to say I LOVE YOU. Express your affection before its too late.

A bell is no bell 'til you ring it,
A song is no song 'til you sing it,
And love in your heart
Wasn’t put there to stay -
Love isn’t love
'Til you give it away.
~Oscar Hammerstein, Sound of Music, "You Are Sixteen (Reprise)"


Signing off,
Jane Tai

First Impressions

I remember my first day in college, first day in high school and many other 'first days' or 'first times'. Lets get straight to the point. Today's post will be on the many 1st impressions i have created among my peers, lecturers and others that have walked in and out of my life. To start, i shall take the freshest memory of my first day in college. According to one of my peer, he had the impression that i was a quiet and innocent girl. Another thought that i was nerdy and fierce >.<

Some impressions of me are true while others are not. The friends that thought i was nerdy, innocent and quiet told me that they realised they were wrong after 2 weeks of getting to know me. LOL? Did i intentionally send out messages or a body language to make them think i was quiet or sweet or even intimidating? NO! What made them come to these conclusions? Body language played a major role. There are times when i can look very intimidating. This happens when im deep in thought. Unintentionally, i put on a serious face and might communicate the wrong message to people.

Your personality also helps others form 1st impressions of you. In high school, i was outgoing and loved being around people. This made those who didn't know me have an impression that im friendly and socialable. This was also the reason why there were times when students in my high school would say hi to me and i would realise that i don't even know them! The same reason why sometimes i get people from my high school or college adding me on facebook when i don't actually know them.

Unfortunately, there were occasions that people in high school had an impression that i was snobbish. The fact that i held many posts in ECA's didn't help much. Some people just have this preconcieved ideas that student leaders think their popular and are therefore snobbish and stuck up. This was not true about me. But the pre-formed judgements or pre-conceived ideas people have are just inevitable and play a role in their first impressions of you.

Finally, past experiences that humans have also affect the way they form 1st impressions of you. For example, i went for a practical piano exam last year. Young people being carefree and casual, sometimes tend to 'under-dress' for occasions. Fortunately, i was informed in advance to dress formally and talk politely to the examiner. The effort to comply to a suitable dress code actually gave the examiner a better impression of me. He commented in my marksheet that the formal attire i wore made a positive impression of me because he had good experiences with exam candidates who dressed formally and horid memories of those who walked in with jeans or shorts.

First impressions are irreversible. Yes, one might be able to prove to that person that his or her 1st impression of you was wrong. His or her attitude towards you may or may not change. But bottom line, the first impression was already formed and one can do nothing to change that because you will have no more first-time-meeting-occasions with that person.

What first impressions have you created?

Written 9hrs and 9mins before the human comm midterm paper by,
jane tai =)

Family

The word “FAMILY” is a very important word as some take it to mean shortly for “Father and Mother I Love You”. The definition of the world family would actually mean a fundamental social group in society typically consisting of one or two parents and their children or some can also denotes it as a collective body of persons who live in one house, and under one head or manager; a household including parents, children and servants, and as some cases maybe, lodgers or boarders.

Every family would have its own family values and this would mean to have good thoughts, good intentions or good deeds, to love and to care for those whom we are close to and are part of our primary social group or our community, such as children, parents, other family members and friends. We should always bear in mind to treat others with the same set of values, in the same manner we wish to be treated.

Those who have been lucky to possess the sense of family values would be considerate and careful with their conduct making sure not to leave behind a poisoned and polluted world for one’s family and loved ones. Also, those who possess a sense of family values would not support, nor stab their community in the back or to destroying families.

Family is very important, as most of the time, our family would be the one who would stand and back us up in whatever we do. Friends are important but we will someday come to realize that our family is whom we can really count on when we need help. When we go through the ups and downs in life, they are there for us no matter what. We cannot choose our family, but we can choose our friends. Therefore we should learn to appreciate our family and not to take advantage of them at all times.

Laughter

Laughter is the best medicine. We’ve heard the expression time and again. Laughter can work wonders when one if feeling down and is all stressed up. There are many benefits of laughter ranging from the strengthening the immune system to reducing food cravings, and to decreasing one’s threshold for pain. Some even say that laughter can prolong our lifespan and for decades, researchers have the opinion and have explored how laughter or humor can help patients relieve stress and heal more quickly.

Some researchers have taken it one step further, researching on how laughter can help certain professionals cope with their difficult jobs, and how laughter can increase communication in the workplace and in the classroom. Everyone loves someone who can make them laugh, therefore the more you share your sense of humor, the more friends you'll more likely have.

Laughter can also bring the balance we need to get through turbulences in life. When we have problems, instead of moping and brooding over it, we should laugh about it. Also, we should learn to laugh with others when we are being laughed at. This way, we'll feel more carefree.

There are so many benefits of laughter. For instance, it can dissolve tension, stress, anxiety, irritation, anger, grief and depression. Like crying, laughter lowers inhibitions allowing the release of pent-up emotions. A person without a sense of humor is like a car without shock absorbers.
Therefore laugh and add spice to life! Laughter is good for the body and soul.

Communication Climates

On Wednesday, my Human Communication lecturer Mr. Murali taught us about the Communication Climates. When he talked about direct aggression, then an incident that happened at the pass struck me up. I decided to write it out because I think it was really related to the lesson I had learned in the class.

I had worked in a lawyer firm as a receptionist two years ago. Joyce was the account manager and also the head of mine. She was a kind and integrity person. I had learned a lot of things from her and she was generous in teaching me the account works. Later on she elevated me as her assistant and we cooperated good with each other.

One day I was late to work because had caught in a very…very…very…bad traffic jam. I was late about two hours so I asked Joyce to inform the boss. When I arrived, one of my bosses just instructed me to took half day leave without any reason. Even I knew it was wrong to be late but half day leave required 4 hours and I’m just late for two hours. That made me felt unfair because I wasn’t late on purpose.

Joyce also felt that was unjust for me so she went in to the bosses room and argued with them. That surprised me because I decided to obey the bosses instruction and doesn’t wish to mess up the business. I had no idea what they talked about in the conversation but one thing I knew was one of the bosses really got mad. Maybe he felt a little bit of guilty so he refused to continue the conversation. He slapped on the table and left the room. This doesn’t make Joyce to stop but she still continued her argument with the other boss. I really admired on her bravery because I knew myself very well. I would never ever damn to against my boss even I knew it was not all my fault. What can I say, most of people will commonly choose the same choice as mine to keep their job safe.

I think this incident had completely showed out the spiral reinforce climates that can happen in two level. The first one is escalatory conflict spirals which both parties start up with a negative conversation and this is where the conflict happened. The second level is de-escalatory conflict spirals and it occurs when one of the parties try to stop and withdraw from the negative conversation.

Advertisement

One day I had finished my work and felt boring, so I switched on the TV and tried to spend time on it. I keep pressing the button on the remote control but still cannot meet any channel that can attract me. When I decided to switch off the TV, an advertisement on the TV had carried out my view on it. It was a body slim advertisement but I had forgotten the slimming centre name. The advertisement showed that how a super fat lady can become a slim and attractive beauty within 3 months time. I think this is a successful advertisement because of the effect that can attracted a thousand of female to give a try.

I think advertisement is a very powerful tool to convey a message toward the public. It communicated the manufacturer with the public and helps to understand the public needs. It brings out the latest news to help the public keep on track with time. Sometimes the manufacturer even invited the famous artist as their mouthpiece to help promote the products. These manufacturers know that it is better to let the well known mouthpiece persuade the consumers to buy their product rather than spend money on things that are lack effectiveness. Actually what I perceive was most of the product get to be well known is based on how much they had invested into the advertisement but not based on the product’s quality. For instance, Madonna become mouthpiece of the brand Louis Vuitton. To showed the adoration, her crazy fans will glad to spend their whole year salary for a stupid bag that cost about a few thousand ringgit.

Now you can see that how powerful an advertisement can be. It communicate us with the new era and I found the saddest part was people can’t live without it. The most terrible things were we will be terminated from the society if we failed to keep advance with the era.

A Special Cafe

Yesterday I was trying to get online at my home and to post up the article on the blog. After I tried it, ……. I think more than 20 times than I just gave up. It really was a stupid network. I brought my lab top and started think for a place to get online. After a few minutes I still haven’t think out a perfect place to go on so I just went to Metro Prima and hope that I could find an ideal place there. After I drove for a round, I saw a parking right in front of a café so I just parked my car there and went into the café.

The café was really special. Besides of the comic books provided there, there were also a lot of the comic protagonist’s model lay out and display on the wall there. For instance, like spiderman, superman and also the actors of the evil side. These models seem too realistic and make me felt like someone is staring at me. After I found a place to sit down, then I started on my work.

I finished up my work and take a look on my watch, 2 hours were pass through without my conscious. Then I quickly cleaned up my things and when I was looking for my file, I saw a big board hanging on the wall and full with various color of note papers. This had attracted me to stand up and moved closer to have a look. I think all this note papers were left by different people that had been here before. I spent about 1 hour to read through every single message that left on the board. Through all this different message and handwriting, I can probably read through the writer mind, knew what are they thinking of, felt what they feel and figured out what kind of character are they playing. The handwriting itself has speak a thousand word. Some of them were came here for celebration, some of them were broke up with their boyfriend or girlfriend, some of them started on a new relationship, some of them leave down the declaration of love to their lover, different type of wishing like friendship forever or love someone till the end of the day. There was a very special message that wishing him own self a happy birthday. I think the person felt lonely during that moment and I guess that was a female. I hope that I could been around and celebrate it with her at that moment even I don’t know who is she.

I found that it was interesting because I can get to know their feeling even we don’t know each other before. The board had showed out different feeling and all of them had been sat together at the same place and the same time. I was wondering , can this be counted as a communication??! Well, hope that someone can tell me.

A Game

Last week Friday I had been invited to a party. It was my friend 21 years old birthday which was very meaningful to her. Thus, her parent grandly organized a birthday party for her. There were others friend of mine been invited to the party too and most of them were my primary schoolmate. We didn’t contact with each other for a long time so there are a lot of topic to chat on. I felt a little bit of surprise because it was a very congenial conversation chat although we didn’t meet for a period of time.

Actually the party was a kind like boring because the host was busy on entertaining others guests. We just self serviced ourselves and “entertained” ourselves while waiting for the time to sing the birthday song and cut the cake. I think because it was too…too…too…boring so one of my funny friend came out with a brilliant idea. He said “ Why don’t we play a game ourselves while waiting for the time. You guys queue up follow by a boy and a girl. I will think out a things and told the first person. He or she only can act to describe the things to the second person behind. The second person than act it to the person behind him follow up one by one until the message pass through all of you guys and finally come to the last person . The last one have to guess out what is it. If anyone says a single word than is consider loss and have to accept punishment. So what do you all think, agree or not?” What can we say, of course all of us agree since there is nothing to do.

We all queued up follow by his direction and started on the game. Everyone seems to enjoy the game and some of them laugh out exaggerate when comes to the term “sanitary napkin”. One of the guy expressed it clumsy and funny because of his movement. I can’t control myself and laugh out loudly until the tears come out. I really don’t know what the … was he acting.

All of us were having fun and the time had passed through without our conscious. Finally came to the turn for the birthday song so everyone gathered around and celebrated it. After finish the cake and once again wished the host a happy birthday, I just went home. On the way back, I was thinking that there is nothing for in the party for me to keep in my memory except the game. It reminded me for the lesson I had learned from Human Com and I found that it was truly related to each of our single daily life. So I decided to write it out just to share with other and thank you for your time.

Written by

Judy

][ Words speak Volumes.. ][

You guys should read this. I thought it beautiful.

Racism still sadly continues.

By Amit Chubbah ( 21/04/08 ).

Racism comes in many different shapes and forms,

Sadly I have had my fair share since I’ve been born,

Judged before I have been even given a chance,

Delaying my future and for my career to advance.

My parents tell me of stories they have had to endure ,

I wish racism was a sickness with a dose of medication to cure, 

Thankfully there are good hearted and educated people,

Who can look beyond skin colour and treat us all as an equal.

Why would another person’s skin colour be such an issue? 

Get to know them; they might have things in common just like you,

I am so fed up of hearing “They from so and so, they all the same”,

Everyone has differences but skin colour is not to blame.

I wonder sometimes is it because the racist themselves are afraid to mix,

Who knows, I am only looking for a solution to get it fixed,

It’s a major problem none of us like or need, 

How sad to hear, a racist sees skin colour the only reason to want to make you bleed, 

You see films like ‘Mississippi Burning’,

I think to myself that was then but when are racist going to start learning? 

If humans never saw in colour, what would it be like then? 

I am sure everyone would get along and call each other friend,

I hope my kids and the next generation never get to witness racism first hand,

Lets pray for them racism was a issue in the past that no longer stands.

Life is hard as it is, without the need of racism,

Like supporting our family and giving our kids a good education,

Ways to stop racism should begin at home and school,

Getting along will be our biggest advantage, our strongest tool,

I did have people who I did call friends,

But their own racist views meant our friendship had to end.

It does not matter, if your white, black or brown,

You should feel safe to walk and talk in any town,

Racism has to be erased from every country and every street,

Knowing racism is not an issue when theirs someone new we meet,

Everyone has the right to go anywhere they choose,

Because whilst racism is still alive, no one wins, everybody lose.

To those facing racism, all I can say is be brave and stay strong,

To those racist, deep down in your heart you must know it’s wrong? 

God blessed us by putting us here, giving us all different shades of colour,

Were not meant to have the same colour skin, but we all can respect one another.

Martin Luther King Jr said in 1963 “I have a dream”

But up to now it has yet to be seen.

________________________________________________________________

What do you think?

I think this poem is really pretty, in a sense that it conveys a strong message and you know it's true. You can pick up on the tone that the author has set. The sorrow, regret and sadness over the foolishness of people who have committed crimes of racism. You can't hear her voice, yet through the words she has chosen and the weight with each word has attached to it, you still can pick up on the mood that it sets too. Words may just be scribbles on paper ( or in this case, pixels on a computer screen.. ) but because over the years, people have given meanings to words, we are able to pass on messages through these scribbles. 

Each person would undoubtedly interpret this differently. But that's the beauty of it. " Meaning lies in people, not in words ". It's what you choose to see and deduce from it.

Racism is a very real thing, even here in Malaysia. It may not be so apparent as it is in the states because we, as Malaysians, have somehow managed to live in some sort of harmony with others. We've been thought to be tolerant and respectful of one another. Nevertheless, it still exist. I hope it ends too. You can help, you know.

][ Wink Wink.. ][

Have you ever wondered what messages your eyes convey? Is it agressive? Soft? Inviting? Loving, maybe? Whatever it is, we all know the importance and yet how tricky eye contact may be. 

For instance, I have noticed this while consolling close friends. When I broke eye contact with the person, they would stop talking and be silent. But when I kept my gazed locked onto theirs, they would go on talking, knowing that I was interested in whatever they wanted to share. 

Back in Study Skills, we received this article. This article stated that when you're interested in something, your pupils tended to dilate. And it would constrict if

 you weren't. Simple as that.

You find yourself in different situations daily, and therefore you can't just use your eyes in one way. I mean, imagine averting your eyes while arguing with someone! Here you are trying to wi the argument while looking like a sheepish shy girl. Unheard of.

So, what do you do when...

Talking to a group. 

When you're with a group of people, it is better to have direct contact with your listeners. However, you should ensure that you don't just maintain eye contact with only one person as

 other members would stop listening. You could get past this by focusing on a different person with every new sentence. 

Talking one on one. 

It's good to maintain eye contact with someone to show you're interested. It is not good to stare intensely at them as it can be a bit creepy and uncomfortable. A break every 5 seconds or so would suffice. Also, when you're breaking eye contact, you could look up or to the side as though trying to recall something and not down like you're about to end the conversation. 

Listening.

Again, staring at someone for too long or too hard, is not good but yet, you want to show you're interest! You could always opt. for looking at ' The Triangle ' - Both eyes and mouth. You look at

 each for about five seconds and then rotate. Nodding and the occasional agreement words don't hurt too.

Arguing. 

When you're arguing, you tend to hold people's gaze to show strength. If you look away, you have all but lost the argument. Obviously this depends with who you're arguing with. But generally, it's better to hold a person's gaze whilst making your point. I'm sure we've all come across a person who is great at arguing and making you feel small. You'll notice that people like that try to stare you out. Stare back, it will surprise them, piss them off and put them off what they are trying to say. Staying silent and staring at someone who is trying to rile you is also an effective way to win an argument without saying a word. Neat, huh :)

Attracting someone. 

Did you know you could talk and listen with just your eyes? When a person you like is speaking use the whole face as your focal point. Look at their eyes, listen to what they are saying, smile in the appropriate places, raise your eyebrows in the appropriate places. If you feel you are staring at them move to their other features such as their lips, their cheeks, their nose and then back to their eyes. Smiling when listening to someone is a great way to show you are interested in them, obviously don’t smile when they have just told you their pet died last night. You have to listen with your ears as well as listening with your eyes ( yes I did mean listening with your eyes, you listen to someone’s body language with your eyes ).

Loving someone. 

You often see in movies where the guy and girl would just be sharing a prolonged gaze into each others eyes and it's a very special thing to just stare without talking. They can both see each other's pupil's dilating and this creates a strong bond between people.

So, use your eyes carefully. It's a great weapon. 

][ Courtesy Mertesy.. ][

You know how sometimes accidents happen? Okay, not even accidents. Let's just take your lunch break for example. 

You're probably sitting in Ali Maju or Mama's Kitchen or * insert place here *, and you're having a pleasant lunch! Horrid food, but good company and hopefully the weather's not too hot. Everyone's wrapped up in conversation and you're having laughs when all of a sudden.. there's this insanely loud belch!

That is so rude!

So you ( or me anyways.. because I just can't stand such behavior.. ) end up glaring at the person for such an act! The nerve of him.. Then he just mumbles a sorry that you know he doesn't mean and laughs it off. 

My point here is. 

Have you ever noticed how tons of people just seem to use the word " Sorry " ever so lightly? According to the dictionary, sorry is a feeling or expression of regret, sorrow, a sense of loss over something done or undone. If you actually look at it, that one word carries lots of weight. Apologizing could be the difference whether countries actually go to war or remain peaceful. It's what makes long frienships last. It's the key to maintaining marriages! See how important it is?

So when someone just uses it so lightly without meaning it though those words leave their lips, what's the point? It cheapens the worth of the word! No point in doing something just for courtesy's sake. It's like asking you a question without really caring about the answer.

It's horrid really. I wish people didn't do that. 

So, next time you do something wrong and want to apologize, please ensure you mean it if not, just don't say it.

My Self-Esteem

Even people always said that inner beauty is more important than one’s look and have been advocated for not to judge a book by it’s cover , but we still cannot ignore that our look is playing an important role by giving other first impression especially for female. They take care of their look such as their second life. They put whatever things they could on their face as long as they think it can keep them look beautiful and charming forever.

Unfortunately, something happened to me and it started since last year. It battered me down and make me feels lack of confidence during that time. It was a tough period for me and this is how the story goes on. From the beginning, there are just some tiny pimple grew on my face and I didn’t take it serious. I thought that just go to the beauty shop and simply have a wash on my face and that will be good enough for me. After I went to wash for several times, it didn’t cure my pimples at all and the condition got worse than before. The pimples on my face is getting bigger and some of it as big as the quail’s egg. I knew my face get serious than before. This was proof when I was walking and people stared on me. This has extremely struck me down.

I was very upset during that tough period and it totally destructed my self-esteem. I even keep myself away from the mirror because every time when I watched myself from the mirror, I feels like unacceptable, hate myself from being that. People around me keep asking me the same question such as “What happened to your face?” “Why your face looked so serious?” “Have you go for a doctor?”. I knew they were tried to be nice anshowed their care to me. However, what they tried to express seems like a taunt for me and it become a pressure during that period. I’m not only refused to socialize with my friend but also my family. I started built my own world and keep myself safe in there. I became furious and blew of steam on my parents even I knew I shouldn’t do that because it is nothing to do with my parents. My parents bear for my bad temper without a single word. I knew my parents were distraught of my changed, they tried so hard and found out a lot of solution which they think are possible. My dad even tried the best he could and had consumed a lot of his money and time.

Through the effort my parents done and the selfless love they gave to me, an idea struck me up and had conscious me for something that is more important and valuable that I should remove my attention to it. It seems like a sound that came out deep from my heart and surrounding me. One day in the morning when I looked into a mirror and stared on it, the sound said that : “Come on, Judy. What are you doing now? It is not a big deal. It wouldn’t bring to the end of the day. It just pimples and wouldn’t cause for death, but look what you have done to yourself and your parents, you are such a impious daughter for making your parents worried about you and bear for all your unreasonable. They are not suppose to suffer on that. Look at yourself, you are still yourself and what if you have to keep on this look forever, you still have to move on for your life. There are no choices for you but you still have to keep track on it, why don’t you go through your journey full with happiness?!”

Since that day, I turned myself back to who I am before and tried comfort myself into this new look. The most important thing for me was I have rebuilt my self-esteem once again and my parents feel console due to the changed of me. Lastly, due to this event, I have comes out with my own theory. “People feel friendly through your smile, not base on what you look like.” I will always bear it in my mind and it will provide me energy to go through every single day of my life.

The Conflict

Last Friday, I went to a skin specialist early in the morning. One of my friend that I only got to know about her for 2 days recommended me the doctor . She asked me to go on early because about 7a.m. there was already a lot of people lined up there. When I arrived, there really a lot of people waiting there and I get into the line as other people do. There are two Indian ladies lined up in front of me and one of them turned back and we started on chatting. The Indian lady was very friendly. We talked about everything since there was nothing to do. Due to our conversation, I knew the Indian lady was 26 years old and was working in CIMB Bank. Untill the nurse came and gave each of us a number at 8a.m. than only we stopped our chat.
Since it was still early, I started find a place nearby for breakfast. I went to the back of the clinic and found a mamak store there. I find a place and sit down. After ordered the food, I was looking around but suddenly a loud sound frighten me up. I turned my head to the source and saw a Malay guy and a Malay woman were arguing on something than slowly lead to a quarrel. I’m not sure what were they argued for. Than the guy step forward and tried to slap on the woman which happened unexpected and it really gave me a shock. But fortunately, the woman ward of that and didn’t got slap. Everyone sitting there were staring on them. May be the guy awared of that so he quickly get on to his motorbike and leave there but the woman keep scolding him with non stop.
However, this scene had inspired me that since different races that only know each other for few hours can communicated with harmonious some more we were using the third language which is still tough for me, then why don’t the same race try to understand and talk to each other in a proper way to avoid conflict that may lead the happened of violence.